Truth: Most people never become what they could be. Without a definite purpose or ambition, they cruise along in life, tackling what’s easy with great aplomb, saving what’s difficult for another day that never comes. When obstacles become too tough, too inconvenient or seemingly insurmountable, they give up, then resign themselves to the fact that success wasn’t meant for them.

Obstacles – nasty as they may be – are really nothing more than giants on the road to your goal. Giants pop up to test you, to strengthen you and – more often than not – to make you prove you’re ready for what you want in the first place. (Some people say that giants are a sign that you’re on the right path.)

No matter what you do in life, how you handle giants will ultimately determine how successful you become.

Be warned, however: Giants are clever. They come disguised as a lack of time, funds, education, contacts, resources…you name it. There’s a garden variety to choose from, all giants nonetheless. Perhaps the greatest giant of all is insecurity, i.e., who am I to do that? Don’t allow yourself to get intimated by big projects and paralyzed into inaction. Whenever feelings of doubt of insecurity creep in, recognize it for what it is – fear – and then get out of your own way. (Note: The more giants you tackle, the easier they become to defeat.)

The key to conquering fear is not to try and banish it completely (which is impossible), but to deal with it. Use it. Turn your fear into focus. No matter what the situation, if you take the spotlight off of yourself (how is this going to make me look?) and put it on the task at hand (what would really make this project outstanding?), you’ll have an easier time moving forward.

“Focus is bringing everything you have to what you want and cutting off everything else.”

~Advertising Legend Mary Wells Lawrence

Emily Bennington is the author of Effective Immediately: How to Fit In, Stand Out, and Move Up at Your First Real Job. She hosts a popular blog for career newbies at www.professionalstudio365.com and can be found on Twitter @EmilyBennington or via email at ebennington@msn.com.

OMG, my neighbor won a Grammy award this Sunday!

As you can imagine, I’m psyched beyond words for her and immediately wanted to celebrate her life changing career success with you all here at YoungandSuccessful.com….because well, that’s what we do, but also, because I thought you’d all appreciate the little taste of this experience up close and personal.

Living in Los Angeles is a pretty surreal existence. Sometimes it’s a little over the top, often it’s fascinating (mostly due to the crazy characters who reside here), frequently it’s perplexing (attitudes, values, paradigms, etc.) but the real reason most live here is for the unbeatable lifestyle – the relaxed atmosphere, the beauty, the beaches, the amazing weather.  Sure some come to be discovered, others to escape the cold, and the rest in search of a better life.

Anna Joseph moved to LA from Minnesota to launch her career in the entertainment industry like countless others.  For the past few years, she’s been a wiz at producing commercials and more recently started to take on some other projects – one of which was a music video.  Long story short, the “Boom Boom Pow” video featuring the Black Eyed Peas was in part, her creation.  And Sunday, they took home the Grammy for Best Music Video.

As I watched the awards that night (with my other favorite neighbor) I couldn’t help but look beyond the glitz, the glamour and the stage show that was put on to celebrate and publicize it all.  When Taylor Swift talked about what it was like to be a kid in high school dreaming the impossible – to one day win a Grammy – then experience it actually happening that night, she reminded millions around the world that many on that stage have had journeys similar to ours.  She ruminated about how those of us who start out all filled with fire and ambition, hungry to succeed, are all told at some point or another that much of what we dream of is unreachable…but clearly it’s not.
Listening to Taylor was a reminder of that.  But helping Anna get ready for the actual Grammy’s herself was the best proof I could ever imagine.  And I really wanted to remind you all of that.  These kinds of successes really do happen.

Anna is the sweetest, nicest, most considerate, professional and talented person you could meet.  She’s real, authentic and dedicated to giving everything she can to everything she does.  She’s one of those people that you hope experiences a success like this…but still, you never dream it will actually happen.  And yet, it does sometimes!

For the past month our building has been a buzz with getting her ready – dresses, hair, makeup, planning.  Her sisters and niece and father flew into town this weekend.  Everyone else at home huddled by their televisions with bated breath.  Those in town got all dressed up, went to the parties, escorted her to the awards show, bit their nails as they waited for the category to be called, then were right by her side when it all happened.  Totally surreal.

I know you don’t all personally know her, but I wanted you to share in this experience because it’s important for us all to see come to life.  All this hard work, the late nights, the pain, the suffering, the dedication, the commitment…is worth it.  Not always, but often enough to make the effort worth it.  Plus, how much more exciting are our journey’s than everyone else’s?  We lead these crazy lives because we want more out of life and we’re all curious to to see just how far we can go.

As you’re thinking about your path so far and all the things you aspire to do, take a look at this video and put yourself in Anna’s shoes. It is possible.  This level of success can be yours.  Anna is living proof.

For the tens of thousands who lost their jobs this year, and the millions of others fearing for the jobs they still have, YSN.com’s Jennifer Kushell shares these tips to survive the initial shock — and bounce back like a star.

1. Breathe. Stay calm.
The worst decisions are made under pressure, stress, or in a state of fear. Don’t allow yourself to be rash or irrational; keep your wits about you and commit to making it through this in one piece. Get a sense for what this layoff really means to you and what the real repercussions will be. Assess your safety nets: What are your back up plans? (All the way down to spending time with the folks in your worst case financial scenario.) Hopefully you’ve done enough to guard against that, and if so, take some solace in the fact that you’re prepared to weather a little uncertainty.

Links:
6 Steps to Survive Being Laid Off
Remember to Breathe
26 Steps to Stay Calm when the Situation Goes Bad
7 Powerful Relaxation Techniques

2. Look at this as an opportunity.
You know what they always say, “It’s not what happens to you, but what you do about it.” That might not be what you want to hear right now, but think about it: This sudden change could have a silver lining — so commit yourself to finding it. Take some time for yourself, even just a few quiet hours alone and reflect on all the things you truly liked and disliked about your job. What would you have done differently? Were you there because you had to be, or because you wanted to be? Ask yourself how you can now take the next step learning from your past experience. Is there a chance to take a step up? Or to change industries or careers entirely if you weren’t as happy as you wanted to be? So many times, abrupt changes like this are exactly what people need to get out of a rut and move on to something they’d really love to be doing.

Links:
Find that Silver Lining
Attitude is as Important as Skills

3. Audit your online identity.
Start paying close attention to your reputation management, to the platform that you’ve built for yourself online (if any) and to what new people will perceive about you when they google you. If you don’t like what you see online, or want to take control of that first impression you’re giving off, build a professional identity you can be proud of with a PROJO – your professional mojo. It’s a next generation resume/portfolio that you can share with contacts, add to/promote in your signature line, build out and keep up to date with your latest accomplishments to ensure that when someone searches for you, they find the “goods” on you, but the good!

Links:
Build your PROJO
Clean Up Your Online Act!
Manage Your Online Reputation

4. Stay connected to your network.
You probably have a lot more friends, colleagues and supporters than you realize. Survey your address books, PDA, business card files and social networks to see who’s really in your inner circle and wider network and who might be able to help lead you to some new prospective opportunities. Talk to friends and family and see who they know.

Then start reaching out to catch up with everyone you can. Befriend old friends online, shoot out a bunch of emails, even invite a few for coffee or drinks. Start talking to everyone you can! Ask your contacts who else you should be talking to, then reach out to them. Update your online profiles with the latest news and let people know that you’re actively exploring your options. This is not the time to hide out and wallow. Just make sure you force yourself to smile and at least appear to have a positive outlook for the future! Repeat the mantra to yourself: “onward and upward!”…until you believe it.

Links:
Keep Those Contacts!
Networking Your Way to a New Job

5. Assess your financial situation.
The first serious thing you need to do once you have the ability to think calmly and rationally (see #1) is to figure out the true state of your financial affairs. If you can, sit down with a financial consultant who will know how to ask you the right questions to get a proper assessment. Take a very careful look at any severance (if you’re lucky), benefits packages (like insurance policies, 401ks, etc.) that you may be able to “roll over” from your old company’s plan. (Take care of this right away too!)

Links:
Create a Budget — and Stick to It!
YSN Secrets #20: CAAAAASH

6. Ride the coat tails of senior execs.
If you’ve done a good job of befriending and staying tight with your bosses and other senior management, it might just pay off in real dividends now. Keep in close contact with them!!! The more connected they are, the faster they will probably find their next great opportunities and look to set themselves up for success in their new spot. When that happens, seasoned execs take quick steps to surround themselves with people they know and trust. They build teams from people they know — and that could include you! Make it known that you’re up for the new adventure if you are.

7. Use your leverage.
What can you do to leverage the experience you’ve had so far and the skills you’ve been building? What do you know that others want to? (Besides proprietary trade secrets!) How can you use what you’ve learned to your benefit and to others? You don’t have to play hardball or let your ego run wild to put your experience and expertise to work for you in a positive and proactive way. A great way to do this, and make some quick money, is to do some consulting work. Taking a few projects on will keep you in the game and buy you time to figure out your next move. Who knows, you might actually like it so much you decide to make it your new business!

Links:
Tips to Help You Stand Out in Your Profession
Learn to Understand Your Own Intelligence

8. Open yourself up to new opportunities.
Employment prospects or ideas you hear about from friends and relatives might not sound quite right at first, but give them a chance to explain — and yourself a chance to explore a bit. Don’t limit your attention to a very narrow set of options right after a layoff. Try to imagine yourself working in a whole new scenario and consider whether you might find happiness in some other industry or way than you’d previously envisioned. Ask a bunch of questions…even just to humor yourself. You might actually learn something you never expected or discover a connection to something that does actually fit you.

9. Stay healthy…or make this your big chance to GET healthy.
Whether you’ve been really diligent about taking care of yourself while employed or have totally forgotten what an athletic shoe feels like on your foot, make your health a major priority now. Take the time to sleep, get some fresh air, walk, run, do some yoga — whatever makes you feel your best. The endorphins will help a lot in bringing a smile and positive outlook to your face. You’ll also project more confidence as you go out to pursue other opportunities. You never know who you’ll meet along that run either!

10. Use this as preparation for the next big shake-up in your life.
Right now this might seem like the end of the world, but the good news is that if you can weather this storm, you’ll only be better prepared for the next one. Though we’d like to say this will never happen again, the truth is that life is a cycle of ups and downs, and preparation is the key to surviving it all.

If you are ready to look at the big picture, listen to our Secrets of the Young & Successful podcast series and create the life you’ve always dreamed about — no better time than the present! You can also come and talk to others about what’s happening to you in our discussion forum. You never know where the next great idea or opportunity is waiting…

Good luck!

You know how sometimes life throws a bunch of things at you all at once and you end up seeing a theme emerge?  Well, without getting into a lot of the dirty details, let’s just say this has happened to me.  The outcome – a constant tie back to the concept of stepping out the comfort zone.  Everywhere I look, it seems to be a curse of sorts holding us all back from better, more productive, successful, and most importantly, happier lives.

While I do seem to be forever confronting this issue in my work life as we help people around the world in their career evolutions, it really hit home for me when I was back home for the holidays.  To set the scene for you, my mom and aunt are identical twins.  The three of us were together, which never seems to happen enough, and we were debating where to go for dinner.  My mom, out of habit, suggested the local diner.  My aunt, suggested a slightly nicer place.  Just then I turned to my trusty iPhone (everything but the phone I should say, sadly), and pulled up Yelp.  Since I’ve been teaching my mom about the social media world lately, I figured this would be a great resource to show her so she could get real feedback from her neighbors on the best restaurants, stores and services in her area.  I use it all the time and figured she would too.

Fascinated with this app, I planted myself between the two of them, mesmerized on the couch, and preceded to show them how the GPS navigation pinpointed exactly where we were in the world in a second, and how by taping the “restaurant” option, everything that served food in the area appeared effortlessly.  Instantly, they were looking for the familiar, and marveling at all that they’d never heard of or experienced.  I pulled up the restaurant they’d suggested originally and read aloud the only two reviews, that were bad.  Then I found a place we’d never heard of that had 8 raving reviews.  My mouth was watering from the pictures so I made an enthusiastic pitch to try it out.  My aunt agreed.  Mom, pulled way back, as if she was struggling to contain a wild horse fighting to run wild.  Her response became almost comical to watch.

Mom: “It’s too far.”

Me: “Yelp says its .1 miles from the first place”

Mom: “I don’t know that area.  We’ll get lost.”

Me: “Mom, we have a GPS in the car.  And one on my phone here too.  We can also call if we have a problem, you know.”

Mom: “I really don’t want to do a whole sit down.”

Me: “Were we going to drive through the diner somehow?”

Mom: “I don’t want to experiment.

Me: “Mom, it’s Italian food.”

Mom: “Oh, I don’t really want to go out, I’m tired.”

Me & My Aunt: “Come on!  How often do the three of us get to go to dinner alone?”

Mom: “I’m not dressed properly.”

Me: “Your already dressed better than most people anywhere.  You look great!”

Mom: “Ahhh….come on…let’s just go to the diner.”

Followed by a moan, whine, moan, throwing up of hands, a resentful changing of clothes, then us venturing out to the new restaurant to check it out.

It turned out to be one of the best meals we’ve had together in years.

Even better, it was one of the best nights we’d ever spent together.

What got my mom so stuck in her little few square mile comfort zone?  The same things that get the rest of us stuck in bad relationships, jobs, environments, ruts, or whatever the familiar circumstances are, I’d imagine.

We all have them.  And they’re called “comfort zones” for a reason.  To some great extent, we feel more safe and at peace among what we know.  The big question is, what are we missing out on outside of those invisible walls?  What caused us to draw the lines where they are in the first place?

It’s healthy to challenge the status quo.  Encouraging ourselves and others to explore the unknown is how we grow as people and as professionals.

Start to think about what your own comfort zones look like.  How tightly contained is the life you are living…or ever changing and expansive?  The latter might actually cause someone to crave some shred of stability or routine.  I can kind of relate to that myself.

Once you know your own pre-conceived boundaries, start to explore why they are where they are.  Try stepping outside the lines.  Relish the heart pumping excitement, fear, and uncertainty of what lies beyond.  (A great case in point, Monique’s article about Traveling Alone!)  Celebrate your new discoveries and successes and stop being afraid of crossing the lines.

Your comfort zones are not electrified fences.  They might feel like it sometimes, as my mom showed with our big bold new restaurant excursion, but just stop to consider all that you could be missing out on.  I certainly am.  As we close out 2009, let’s vow to support one another here and in the rest of our lives as we venture to make our worlds more rich and rewarding.  Life’s too short not to get the most we can out of it.

Today was one of those days I’ll remember the rest of my life.  Sad, profound and reinforcing of what’s really truly important all at once.  This morning, we said goodbye to someone very special.

When you get married, your family instantly expands and brings all sorts of new people into your life.  When I did, I inherited some wonderful characters who have taught me a lot about, well, character.  Over the past 12 years, they’ve shown me a whole new perspective on what it means to be strong, resilient, dedicated to your family, and filled with love.

One of the biggest “perks” to this expansion of my family tree was finally having grandparents.  By the time I was five, I’d lost three of my four.  I really only ever knew my mom’s mom, Nana, who died just a few years ago after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. So when Shirley and Israel (known affectionately as Izzy) took me into their arms and hearts and called me family from the very first time I met them, I got to experience what a blessing it truly is to have a set of grandparents.

They were married for an unbelievable 64 years… until this weekend, when Izzy, 87, was whisked away to a new life, from which I’m quite certain he’ll be looking out and over us for the rest of ours.

“May you live to be 120” is a blessing Jews often wish upon one another.  Legend has it that some of the most significant leaders, including Moses, lived to 120.  According to the Old Testament, he was the ripe old age of 80 when God gave him the assignment of his life – to take the Children of Israel out of Egypt, away from persecution – a voyage that resulted in 40 years of wandering the desert to find a new home.  As a result, the belief is that:

“One should never tire of life.  Instead, one must look forward to each additional year with anticipation, excitement, and determination to make the most of every opportunity at every stage of life.”

Sage advice for any of us, at any age.  This specific quote came from Chabad.org, but the wonderfully wise and compassionate Rabbi Greenberg who presided over Izzy’s funeral explained the concept so richly that I was compelled to research it after the memorial on my own.  Looking around at the love in the room his words became so profound.  “Every second of life, from the moment of conception until the completion of one’s years in this world is a gift from God.”

It really makes you think about how you are living your life and what you are doing of real significance.  It doesn’t matter where you focus your energy, just as long as your soul shines brightly and impacts the lives of others.

The Rabbi then talked about the soul of a human being and compared Izzy to ancient sacred scrolls (a torah) adorned with gold both inside and out of its precious casing.  Without the gold that radiated from the inside, he explained, the outside would never shine as brightly as Izzy did.  Like Israel and Shirley had talked about many times before, the Rabbi urged us think about the importance of building character and soul, and how that’s the secret to ensuring we live rich lives surrounded by love.

To see a family come together with such love and strength is a beautiful thing to behold.  Today, I had the privilege of witnessing a tribe huddled protectively around their grieving matriarch.  Her grown children were strong and brave as I’d ever seen them.  Her grandkids huddled together just inches behind.  Friends and family filled every square foot of space around them.  Despite the pain and the tears, all I kept thinking is, this is how I want to live my life.  Surrounded like this with family, friends and love.  What could possibly be more important?

After a poignant military sendoff where an officer on a bugle played Tapps while other officers ceremoniously folded and presented an American flag to his wife, we said our final goodbyes to this World War II military veteran, so fittingly, on Veteran’s Day.

As dictated by our faith, one by one, we took hold of a shovel and covered his casket with earth.  For the first time today, I understood why.  We, his family, were laying him to rest.  It was painful, but beautiful all at once.  Just before, some beloved personal items were reunited with Izzy in a lighthearted few moments that left everyone smiling and laughing.  First, his old television remote control, the one he’d spent countless hours clutching as he kept close watch over his stocks on CNBC.  Next, a copy of Barons, his favorite newspaper joined him.  A deck of cards, for, as one of his daughters mused “you can go find a game of gin, and someone as bad at it as you to play with.”  Next, his favorite watch, then family photos.  In a strange way, it reminded me of sitting around a campfire, curled up with loved ones, staring mesmerized at the wondrous site of flames dancing from a pit.

It’s interesting that fire comes to mind, but not just because this man’s heart burned bright and brilliantly, filling every life around him with love and warmth. (In fact, all day long, I’ve felt a tingling throughout my right leg and arm that were always, within seconds, firmly wedged up against Izzy’s every time I caught him sitting on a couch quietly taking in all the action around him).  I loved being an appendage of his, for those brief and precious moments.  I always felt so safe and loved curled up next to him, with Shirley always close by.

Fire also came to mind because that was how Izzy lost both of his parents, in a house fire, when he was just 7 years old.  While he lost so much so early, it was clear at the funeral that despite how we might suffer as children, or throughout our lives, that we all have the opportunity to build rich and rewarding lives around what matters most to us.

We all should be so lucky to die in our sleep, at an old age, surrounded by adoring family and friends, and leaving behind a legacy of love, hard work, and dedication that is sure to be remembered for generations.

The experience ended as poignantly as it started, with a little family reunion of my own.  Can you imagine my surprise when pulling into the cemetery, in our long processional of cars following Izzy resting in blonde oak and carried by a black steel carriage, my mother announced that this was where my own grandparents were!

There’s always been a suspicion in my family that my grandfather Ben is my own guardian angel, watching over me.  I’m apparently the spitting image of him personality-wise, with all my business, travel, adventures and constant relationship building and nurturing.  My mother has always spoken adoringly of him and my father and uncle have always told me how proud of me he’d be if he could see me today.  After saying goodbye to my husband’s grandfather, my surrogate all these years, I finally got to be reunited with mine.  Ben Kushell, who didn’t even know his own birthday because they didn’t keep good records where was born, had taken my fathers birthday for his tombstone which read, simply, but rightly so, “He was a great guy”.  Two plots over, I even got to visit my great grandmother Anna for the first time.

Rabbi Greenberg, in his profound wisdom shared a quote I will never forget.  “You are not really gone until you are no longer remembered.”  Anna, Ben, and now Israel, I promise that as long as I am alive, you will always be remembered with love and gratitude for all that you gave those of us who have the lives we do today because of you.  And grandpa Ben, please take good care of Izzy for us.