First comes love, then comes a contract??? As part of YSN.com’s 4 week  series about achieving success in your professional and personal relationships, today we’ll discuss how creating a written contract can enhance any new partnership — and make it easier if you ever split.

Sign On The Dotted Line…

At the beginning of all personal or professional relationships, we never like to think about things coming to an end. However, it is possible, and while we aren’t advocating pre-nups here, think about it: When you join a gym, start a job, buy a car or download software, you agree to a contract, which ensures that everyone understands their responsibilities, liabilities and the consequences of not living up to the agreement. In business, romantic or even roommate partnerships, it is critical to be on the same page – literally. A written contract is vital in protecting everyone involved, avoiding dirty court battles, minimizing legal fees, and making it easier to end the relationship fairly and amicably.

For more information on protecting yourself in business partnerships, read Work.com’s Guide to Ending a Business Partnership. It also discusses the seven tell-tale signs that you are about to fly solo, including changing vision and competitive interaction.

For a sample roommate agreement, click here (pdf file).

Read this article from Divorce magazine about the “Myths and Realities of Marriage Contracts.”

And, of course, for a sample prenuptial agreement, please click here.

Jovie Baclayon is a communications associate for the Young Presidents’ Organization and a freelance writer based in Santa Monica, California.

Be Sure to Check Out the Entire Series!

Live By Your Own Rules: YSN’s Tips for Having it All in Your Career, Life and Love (Part 1)

Get Over It! YSN’s Tips for Having it All in Your Career, Life and Love (Part 2)

It’s Time to Find Love: YSN’s Tips for Having it All in Your Career, Life and Love (Part 3)

It’s all in the Contract: YSN’s Tips for Having it All in Your Career, Life and Love (Part 4)

Dealing with those less-than-supportive friends is an issue that few people talk about when it comes to dedicating your life to a startup. Having great friends around you for support is a must, but unfortunately, sometimes the people we love and expect to support us most can surprise us in adverse ways. Has this ever happened to you?

Look at the people you surround yourself with. Are they people who you respect? Do they motivate, stimulate or teach you? Do they discourage you, slow you down or get jealous about your successes? If they are uncomfortable with your lifestyle, fight you on your choices and influence you to make decisions that you later regret, you need to take a serious step back.

The wrong influences for an entrepreneur don’t necessarily have to be overtly “negative” to be counterproductive. Maybe you have friends who just don’t support what you do by not realizing how important your business is to you. Of course, the first thing you should do is to help them understand. But if that fails, there are a few things you can do to keep yourself on track:

• Remove, avoid or limit negative or counter-productive influences from your life.
• Don’t discuss business with people who don’t care or don’t want to understand.
• Surround yourself with people you admire and who motivate you.
• Read about other entrepreneurs who excite you.
• Accept the fact that you’re different. And be proud of that. You’ve worked very hard to get where you are. Don’t let anything or anyone chip away at your success or pride in it.

You’re finally meeting more people than you ever dreamed of. Whether your motives are personal, professional or a healthy mix of both, making a good impression — not only the first time but throughout the course of your relationships — is, well, just good etiquette. If you find yourself in increasingly new and unusual situations as you venture further out into the world and your respective industries, you’re probably amassing a few questions about “proper etiquette” from time to time. Most of the time, there’s no good place to turn to ask those sometimes awkward or embarrassing questions.

So if you want to avoid your next bout of stress over making a dreadful faux pas, don’t fret. Letitia Baldrige’s book, New Manners for New Times: A Complete Guide to Etiquette should be required reading for us all. Booklist claims it “takes the ignorance and indecision out of all variety of manners-related issues… Baldrige has provided guidance for just about any and every situation that might arise in our fast paced world.”

You may be long past the basics of holding doors open, where to sit when and how to dress, but what do you say to a newly divorced couple? What’s the best wording for a thank you note? And can you send it via email? How much do you tip the housekeeper at a hotel? Baldrige covers a whole range of good-to-know issues from dealing with relationships, rites of passage, entertaining, gift giving, difficult times and communication. As she puts it, “When you’re nice to someone else…that someone else is nice back to you, and suddenly two people feel good about themselves and each other and spread their feelings.” A little idealistic, maybe, but how could any of us argue with that?

Learn more about New Manners for New Times

One of my mother’s favorite stories to tell people about me is how from the first few years I was able to talk, I would strike up conversations with strangers — usually little old ladies — to say hello and ask them how they were feeling that day. I was especially interested to know what was wrong if they had a cane, a cast, or a bandage of sorts. As I got older, I became fascinated with animals, and particularly concerned if I found one in peril — a lizard who’d gotten tar on its feet, a bird who’d broken its wing, or even a bee that had gotten trapped in the house. For some reason, I always seemed to be very sensitive to other people’s (and creatures’) feelings. I felt compelled to help however I could. As an adult, I now understand it was my mother’s own good nature that probably influenced this from early on.

When I got a bit older though, junior high to be exact, I found myself stuck in an uncomfortable world of cliques, popularity struggles, gossip and brutal critics. Never one for confrontation, let alone malicious behavior, I started to retreat from my usual inquisitiveness and outgoing nature and got quiet, for the first time in my life. I began trying desperately to fit in, just so I could get through each day. It wasn’t until high school that I found myself in a more comfortable environment and began to speak up again. I reconnected with my passion for meeting new people, figuring out what I could do to help, and began making up for lost time by starting new initiatives, organizations and assuming various leadership roles. It was then that I realized that what I said and what I did actually mattered to others. I saw that I could make a difference and found my voice. Despite a few painful adolescent years, I consider myself lucky to have the opportunity to express myself so freely with people from more countries around the world than I’d ever dreamed. Our “voice” is one of the most precious instruments each of us has!

To read more about finding your voice, including celebrating people and resources that enable us to express ourselves more freely, effectively and powerfully then check out this past YS Weekly newsletter!

Finding the best ways to express yourself and mustering up the inspiration and confidence to do so should be a little easier after you read this issue. Make sure you don’t miss little Mattie’s story – - it is sure to drive home the profound importance of finding our own voice, and prove how powerful it can be.

Now, we don’t mean dance with a lampshade on your head or fight with your cousin Joe over the last piece of cheesecake! We mean setting that perfect scene in your home to create a warm, welcome feeling. Jennifer at Gilded Fork recommends the following tips for putting on a casually elegant display:

1. If you are presenting a buffet table, create a series of levels for your various dishes and platters to add some dimension and eye appeal, instantly transforming any menu into a formidable display. Find some sturdy elements you can use to build the levels, including upside-down pots, bowls, boxes or even bricks. Cover them with a large cloth, then use smaller cloths bunched around the levels to make an attractive nest. If you are particularly creative, you can accent the table with decorative items like branches, dried flowers or candles, provided their scents and/or leaves do not interfere with the food.

2. For the dining table, be as creative as your mind and budget allow. Don’t be afraid to mix and match the place settings and accessories — you can use alternating place mats, settings, or flatware. This is particularly helpful if you have smaller, matched sets, but are serving quite a number of people. Some risk-takers have even crafted each place setting to match their guests’ personalities — to great effect.

3. If you have a dimmer switch, experiment a bit with the lighting in your home to see how various levels affect the room. Cozy corners always lend a homey feel, but remember that the food itself should be clearly lighted. Put yourself in a guest’s shoes while experimenting — consider that you might not want a bright spotlight on the table so it seems like a lighted stage for those diving into the feast (you know how shy people can be sometimes). If you don’t have a dimmer switch, place table and/or floor lamps with lower-wattage bulbs (60 watts or lower) in various parts of the room, and turn off half the lights (or the overhead lights) to achieve the same effect.

4. Candles are also a classic, inviting way to softly light a room; they offer a soothing welcome that beckons guests to relax and enjoy — and everyone looks wonderful by candlelight. Remember to use unscented candles, as you don’t want other smells to interfere with the beautiful food you worked so hard to prepare.

You can read more tips from Jennifer in her article The Magic of Ambience at the Gilded Fork. Happy entertaining!.

It’s a real sign of the times when people are creating blogs to stay up to date with friends and family. I recently received an email from my sister-in-law informing us all of their new family blog. It’s so great to be able to bookmark a link that takes me to pictures and very entertaining stories about my brother’s little family. Of course it makes it all that much more exciting when there is a 14 month involved who says and does silly and cute things everyday!

They live in Kansas and I am out here in California so having the convenience to point and click into the latest new word or favorite new toy of my niece is just spectacular. If it wasn’t for video and picture messaging, blogs, web cams and Web 2.0, I just might have to move back to Kansas!! Luckily for me, technology is keeping up with the needs of those of us who can’t be in the presence of their loved ones each day or even each month. I do a pretty good job of seeing my family and friends back home about every 2 ½ to 3 months, but I live for those little updates whether it via text, email or on a blog. I have even got my mom and dad (in their 50’s) texting. They may not always be as quick and occasionally mom will respond a day late; but that doesn’t change the smile it puts on my face keeping those little connections between us throughout the week.

I have a feeling my mom sees this technology as bittersweet. On one hand she can see her daughter in CA and her granddaughter in Kansas City with a click of a mouse. On the other hand, she knows with technology advancing as much as it is, I will have plenty of quasi-real-life-resources to stay in touch with her and the rest of my family/friends – making it easier for me to reside in California longer!!

I’ll admit, I am looking forward to the day when I can see my family live on their cell phone while they see me live on mine and we happily catch up about the day’s events!

A new business has popped up in California that’s offering support to self-employed and freelance workers by redefining “bring your child to work day.”

At Silicone Valley’s Cubes&Crayons, experienced child care workers will watch after your children (ages 3 months to 5 years) while you git-r-done in their comfortable, wi-fi enabled workspaces, conference rooms, printing, copy and fax center.

It’s open to members and non-members from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekdays, and offers flexible scheduling so you make make an appointment or just drop-in. They even have a kitchen and break area for when you need a time out!

Members pay an annual fee of $149 with rates starting at $13 per hour; non-member rates start at $21 per hour.
Once again, a fantastic business idea we found on Springwise.com!

I’m afraid I might be missing the Mommy gene, despite my earlier expressed desire for children.

I dogsat for a week while my parents were out of town and it was unbelievably exhausting. Besides having to change my normal routines to accommodate her morning and evening walks, she woke me up every night and put the clampdown on my social life since I couldn’t leave her with my roommate alone.

On top of it all, something was wrong with her, either sickness or depression from missing my parents. She didn’t eat as much as usual, threw up one day, had slight case of the doggy runs and even pooped all over my bathroom floor (thank God for linoleum!). But being that I am no dog whisperer, I didn’t know if it was a serious ailment or fleeting reaction. I didn’t want to be an overprotective “parent” and rush panicked to the vet. Vets are expensive. Needless to say, I felt like the relieved aunt or grandparent when I rendered the leash to my parents. Moreover, the dog seems like her normal, happy self again.

While I know it’s just pet sitting, it gave me a bit of a glimpse into parenthood, which just seems altogether daunting and intimidating! At 30, I might be of child-bearing age, but I’m still a young professional building my life and career. It’s not to say I couldn’t become ready; the right circumstances just have to come together mentally, emotionally and, of course, financially. Saying you want kids is one thing; waiting until the time is right is another.

While I’m on the subject of finances, if you’ve never thought about how much it costs to raise a child, here’s an idea of what you can expect to spend from their birth to their first day at college, as published in YS Weekly last year.

Jovie Baclayon is the editorial director for YSN.com and an expert in the experiences faced by emerging adults. To learn more, check out Jovie’s YSN portfolio and feel free to e-mail her! She blogs every Wednesday and Friday on Waste Time Wisely.

Even the most career-focused individuals need a little lovin’! In honor of Valentine’s Day 2008, YSN.com presents a week-long series about achieving success in the relationships affecting your professional and, of course, personal lives. To kick things off, today we examine how applying a common business practice to your private life can result in a loving, lasting relationship. Click here to read all the articles in this special series

Due Diligence: It Applies to Love, Too! Lots of people seem to jump head-first into love and marriage without really performing the necessary due diligence, and our thinking is this: If you are willing to exert the effort to build a business plan, or a career, isn’t it even more important to do so for one of the most significant partnerships of your life?

In layman’s terms, due diligence involves the examination of costs, benefits, and risks for any venture you’re about to take on. So how does this apply to love? Well, it helps to think about all the things involved in a relationship, and what scenarios might come into play as you grow together. It’s important to spend a lot of time talking to your intended about your future goals, dreams, plans, concerns, ambitions, and limitations. Spend a good deal of time with their family and friends – soon these might be your family and friends, too! In turn, have them spend time with your family and friends. See how your careers (or lack of) affect or have the potential to affect both of you on a day-to-day basis, or over the long term. Look at what you argue about now, and imagine if that conversation were to continue for another 20 years.

Seriously talk through the big stuff – kids, retirement, career goals, money habits, your penchant for risk, your plans about moving your grandparents into live with you, your dream of becoming a foster parent, running for public office, or disappearing to an island for a few years sometime down the road. Forecast different scenarios in their best and worst case; it’s important to consider deal-breakers when it comes to risks, reactions to different situations, and things that might tear you apart. Yes, people can grow together and change a bit, but most of the time major problems that develop in relationship leave a good trail of clues early on if you pay attention.

We know that seems like an awful lot of work, but this is your lifetime we’re talking about, and that’s the biggest venture you’re ever going to build!

As co-founder and president of YSN.com, and as a relentless advocate for her generation, Jennifer Kushell’s efforts have impacted the lives and futures of millions across the globe. To learn more, check out Jen’s YSN portfolio and feel free to send her a YSN message!

Do psychological tests really reveal what’s in your subconscious?

I thought I’d end the week with an intriguing thought since I was told by a fellow blogger that my last two posts were borderline depressing. In my defense though, I think that “8 Ways Losing Your Job is Like Losing Your Lover” is rather inspirational and timely with Valentine’s Day on the horizon, and “7 Signs it’s Time to Find a New Job” is relevant because of the day’s political environment.

But I digress.

I’ve already mentioned my love of brain teasers and IQ tests but I also have an affinity for things that may or may not reveal your true desires or personality. From Chinese horoscopes (Happy Year of the Rat, by the way!) to chain fill-in-the-blank emails, I’ll read them all – taken with a grain of salt, of course.

But there are 4 exercises or questions that I believe offer a more revealing insight into what makes you tick:

1. What do you love?
A few years ago, I was given the task of quickly writing down everything I love and then exchange my list with someone else. There were a few other activities, but the goal of the exercise was to find your passion and perhaps get some insight into yourself through the eyes of a stranger. I remember my stranger telling me that I was simple, emotional and very appreciative of the little things in life.

2. Who do you admire and why?
A psychologist asked me this one and my answers was Oprah Winfrey because of her generosity and philanthropy. He explained to me that I would probably be a happier person if I was more selfless and giving, like Miss O. He recommended volunteer work or participation with a nonprofit.

3. What do you want in a partner?
This is probably my favorite and one I’ve told several of my YSN coworkers to try since it pretty much falls into the “you get what you focus on” belief. My mentor who worked for Tony Robbins recommended this one, which involves writing down every possible trait your ideal lover would possess – from hair color to level of success. Then you take that list and separate it into three categories: the dealbreakers (i.e. “must want kids”); things you can live without (i.e. “is a size 4”); and the things they can learn (i.e. “someone who enjoys rockclimbing”). If you want a meaningful relationship you have to have an idea of what you’re looking for. The idea is that you create a sort-of dating filter so that you don’t spend too much time on a Mr. or Miss Wrong, or quickly write off someone who could be Mr. or Miss Right just because he/she has brown hair.

4. What qualities do you dislike in other people?
This eye-opening question was also posed by a psychologist and makes me feel uneasy, admittedly because I don’t like what it “allegedly” reveals. I replied that I didn’t like selfish, judgmental people… which (apparently) are the qualities I don’t like about myself. Seriously???

Then again, what’s that saying? “When you point a finger at someone, remember there are three fingers pointing back at you.” Great…

Jovie Baclayon is the editorial director for YSN.com and an expert in the experiences faced by emerging adults. To learn more about Jovie, check out her YSN portfolio and feel free to e-mail her! She blogs every Wednesday and Friday on Waste Time Wisely.

Everyone always says that first dates are a lot like job interviews, so I have to wonder whether the opposite is also true.

Here are 8 ways losing your job is similar to a bad breakup:

1. As with exes, in the long run, rarely does anyone look back and wish they still had their old job.
2. Similarly, as with your next relationship, your subsequent job is often better than your last one.
3. You’ve heard the saying “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince?” It also applies to building your career and finding your dream job. Most people have flipped burgers, folded clothes, served food or answered phones at one time or another.
4. In both cases, it’s usually because one party didn’t live up to the other’s expectations.
5. Relationships that don’t grow eventually die; So does job satisfaction if you are unable to advance at work.
6. It’s just as easy to stay too long in a dead-end job as it is to stay in an unsatisfying relationship.
7. You can’t force a company to hire/promote/retain you… and you can’t force someone to love you either.
8. Ending a relationship or losing your job often gives the rest of your life a much-needed kick in the pants so you can focus on what you really want out of a job/relationship.

I can’t begin to express how much I love having a few days off from work to enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday! I’m getting some housework done and putting my baking skills to the test (score: one delicious success, one horrendous failure) but mostly, I’m psyching myself out for my imminent return home to mom and dad.

Like many others out there, the idea of going home for the holiday elevates my stress levels. For some, the anxiety lies in the prospect of facing the family firing squad’s barrage of questions about what you’re doing – or not doing – with your life: career, marriage, kids, etc. For others, like me, it’s dealing with the dysfunction that befalls most families. I love my parents, really I do, but I’m long past the unavoidable point in life when mom and dad become actual people with their own issues and problems!

So for everyone who feels that going home is like heading home to your own execution, here are four ways to prepare yourself mentally for the conversations you don’t want to have at Thanksgiving, but will.
1. Get into a good, strong, confident place before you go home. Think about the conversations you’re going to have and what you’re going to say about your life and the choices you’ve made. Arm yourself with the confidence, direction and dialog you need to make the time with your family a great experience.
2. Recognize what makes you happy and how you find DEFINE success. Being able to articulate your vision and back it up with research, information or a plan will give your family more confidence that you’re on the right track. Remember that even though your definition of success might differ from your parents, you really need their support.
3. Know your family’s push buttons and how you should spin your story for different people — for example your dad might care more about money while your mom is concerned about your happiness. Plan your conversations accordingly. If you go into these conversations lost and confused, they’re going to jump in and offer their own opinions and advice that might be contradictory, irrelevant or not as specific as you’d like it to be.

4. Remember: They love you. Their words may not express it adequately but they only want you to be happy. Try your best to make the most of your time at home and keep in mind that it will all be over in a few hours or days.

Think back to your old jobs: Do you stay in touch with any of your former coworkers? I don’t mean the ones you use for networking purposes; I mean the ones with whom you regularly ate lunch, grabbed drinks after work, discussed your love life, played basketball or hung out on weekends – the ones you considered good friends.

I had a conversation last week with a friend who believes that unless you have something that bonds you outside of work, like the same hobby or hometown, your chances of staying friends when you’re no longer coworkers are slim to none. I’ve been muddling over his statement ever since.

Back in June, I wrote a blog about friendships at work and mentioned that I don’t keep in contact with most of the former coworkers I once considered “close friends.” It’s not that I haven’t tried. For a few years, I kept in touch with one girl with from my first job out of college but then she moved to Japan. And there’s one fantastic lady with whom I e-mail and have the occasional dinner, but I consider her more than a friend or former coworker; she’s a mentor. Most of the other “friendships” faded away over time.

Staying in touch is a two-way street and involves someone making the effort (aggressive) and someone accepting it (passive). Roles can be reversed any time but someone has to initiate it in order to maintain a connection now that you’re no longer “forced” to see each other on a daily basis. Some people are naturally more social than others and find it easy to keep in contact with anyone via e-mail, phone and IM. You know who they are – they have a HUGE list of contacts, constantly make dinner plans, forward funny e-mails all the time and are great at rounding up the troops for a fun night out. Others, like myself, just aren’t as good at that… or perhaps just lazy.

So I can’t help but think that your ability to K.I.T. with former coworkers comes down to your personality. Maybe my friend and I are just antisocial or don’t make enough of an effort at staying in touch? I don’t know.

So I ask: If the only thing two people really have in common is that they work together, when one person leaves the company can they still maintain the friendship… or was it merely a friendship of convenience?

Every week we post a question for anyone and everyone to answer. Leave your answer as a comment, or post an entry on your own blog and leave us the link!

This week’s question is: Would you want to work at the same company as your significant other?

At YSN we spend most of the time talking about your life and career, but for a lot of people, there’s a big white elephant in room any time career plans come up: What about starting a family?

Whether you are not even thinking about parenthood, starting to consider it, seriously contemplating it, working on it or already proud, happy parents, what do you have to say about how and when children fit into your life or the lives of young professionals? Some of YSN’s members, colleagues and close friends have already chimed in:

“The way I see it, my company is my child — it was a colicky infant, and now it’s starting to walk, though it occasionally falls on its butt. However, it is now speaking complete sentences!” – Jennifer Iannolo, food media entrepreneur, mid-30s, no kids

“I think they’re a fabulous source for drive and inspiration. So much of what we professionals do we do for them (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves)! On the flip side, we also observe them day in/day out, and find that we take ideas and use them in the business world. They tend to put things in perspective by stating the obvious and thereby keeping things simple.” – Oliver Brenninkmeyer, entertainment/consumer products, early-40s, three kids

“The thought of having kids scares the crap out of me! For mainly two reasons: 1.) I can’t even afford myself, so how could I afford a child and 2.) My wants and needs would have to take the backseat to the kids and my life would no longer be all about me and the luxury of doing what I want when I want. Even though this sounds a bit selfish, I feel like at 25 it shouldn’t be any different… speaking only for me of course. I guess, the bottom-line here is that financially and emotionally I am nowhere near ready for kids!” – Katie Ketchum, customer support manager, 25, no kids

“I don’t want kids, neither does my husband. We love our nieces and nephews and often play for hours with our friends’ kids, but we have never felt that pang in our hearts that allegedly signals a desire to procreate. We love to travel, a lot. Sometimes it’s a last minute weekend getaway, sometimes it’s a planned week-long trip, and every month since we’ve met my husband surprises me with a ‘full moon’ date. I’d hate to think a lack of a baby sitter could disrupt a seven-year tradition. We also want to retire in our 40s (yes, it’s possible) so that we can travel the world, stopping in a tropical or exotic locale for months at a time, years if it’s fabulous! I plan to write about our travels and I cannot wait! As we will have no heirs to worry about, we plan to spend our hard earned savings on ourselves, traveling the world. Our favorite thing to tell people is that we hope our check to the gravedigger bounces!” – Angela Moore, late-30s, publicist, no kids

“Well I’m barely 21 but the only babies that are going to be in my near future have four legs, tails and are covered in fur. Scooping litter is as close as I’m going to get to changing diapers in the next decade, and that’s plenty of work for me. – Bianca Vance, product development, 21, no kids

“Representing the young 20-something workaholic I would say the only way I’m ready to have kids is by accident. Just call me Uncle Josh.” – Joshua Hoppes, director of operations, late-20s, no kids

“When your kid walks into your office, sits down at your desk and calls it HIS (just like you did when you were a kid), you immediately realize how lucky you are and that there is no better feeling in the world!” – Doug Kushell, franchise recruiter, early-40s, one kid

I found it. The one political issue that could quite possible turn me into an American citizen: federally mandating paid maternity leave.

Call me naïve, blind, dumb or whatever, but it never occurred to me that millions of new parents were taking unpaid one, two, three month (or more) leaves. In the years I’ve worked, only one woman has gotten pregnant and taken maternity leave so I never gave it much thought. But in researching this week’s newsletter about parenthood and young professionals, my jaw dropped when I read that companies in the U.S. aren’t required to give new parents paid time off — just three months of unpaid leave (if they have more than 50 employees). This puts America in the minority with Lesotho, Australia, Swaziland and Papua Guinea for countries that don’t offer any type of paid leave for new parents.

Of course, many companies decide on their own to offer varying degrees of paid leave for new parents (dads and adoptions too), benefits and even “phase-in” programs for moms returning to the workforce. And I know the argument against giving paid maternity leave (thanks to Miss Jennifer Kushell!): a high percentage of mothers leave the workforce after having children, often leaving companies stranded. Why should they have to pay for maternity leave if the woman winds up quitting anyways? True, very true, but I just can’t reconcile how the lack of such a policy seems to devalue family and having children. As if having children isn’t a big enough expense, concern or decision, there’s an even bigger financial picture to consider. Money more important than family? Commerce before kids? It’s no wonder so many women have to make the choice between having a career and having children.

Having just visited my sister and her 2-month-old daughter, I’ve seen how exhausting newborns are and I can’t imagine my sister going back to work for at least one month. Thankfully, she has a very flexible, understanding line of work. I am not at all political so bear with me, but I can’t see why something can’t be worked out similar to how some companies pay for an employee’s MBA and then requires them to work for a certain amount of time after. I’m disheartened knowing that new moms aren’t getting at least a portion of their salary for the first three months, which is a really difficult time. The last thing they should be doing is leaving a newborn with hired help just so they can race back to work… and perform poorly on the job because they were up all night with the baby.

Like most girls, I’ve been dreaming of my wedding since I got “married” on the playground in elementary school. I’ve picked out my ideal engagement ring, designed my perfect wedding dress, and planned my dream wedding. But, despite all of that, I’m twenty years old, and I can tell you right now engagement is not in my near future. Apparently, that is not the case for many other girls my age, one of those girls being my best and closest friend.

My best friend, whose name I won’t mention, called me on Monday to catch up. About 15 minutes into the phone call, she nonchalantly slipped in a little story about how she found out her boyfriend of four months took out a loan for a ring. “A ring?” I asked, slightly confused. “Yeah,” she casually replied, “an engagement ring.”

I was shocked. “Wait, has he proposed? Are you going to say yes? You’re going to get MARRIED?!” Even though I knew she had already decided that yes, she would accept his proposal, I hoped that hearing my questions might make her rethink her decision. She JUST turned 21; she hasn’t selected a major, much less thought of what she wants to do when she finishes school; and she has only known the guy for FOUR MONTHS!

I’m from the south, so I am all too familiar with the whole idea of settling down at a young age. But there is young, and then there is young. And my best friend is definitely the latter. I was sharing this story with one of my roommates and she brushed it off as no big deal, explaining all her close friends are engaged, before launching into a spiel of “poor me why am I not engaged.”

Here we are, barely old enough to drink, and some of our friends have one goal: get a ring on their finger before graduation… and some of them don’t even have a boyfriend yet! And all I’m thinking is, what’s the rush, ladies? We’re just getting used to living life on our own and still figuring out what we want in life. Shouldn’t we be enjoying this time as young, independent women before adding someone else into the equation?

Instead of setting deadlines for having a ring on our finger, we should be setting goals and deadlines about our careers, traveling, volunteering, meeting different types of people and discovering who we are. I’m not opposed to settling down at a young age, but just don’t give up on your personal dreams and aspirations, beyond the 2-carat Tiffany’s ring.